We had Spiritual Emphasis Week at SCS just this past week...always amazing at how He just does whatever it is He needs to do, in spite of our plans, worries, doubts. So much bigger than that.
A lot of rich, good stuff, but the one thing I'm left with is what Doug Janssen spoke about - God is our Treasure, not our Treasurer.
That is such a bottom line truth that answers a lot of questions. So many challenges in our lives come from what God did or didn't do for us. We get mad because He didn't watch over our 'stuff' (i.e. relationships, dreams, plans, possessions, loved ones, etc) the way we thought He should.
Not that He isn't sympathetic to our feelings, but somewhere in all that emotion (I'm totally guilty of it myself), could it be that maybe those things became our treasure, instead of God?
We sing the songs so easily - 'You're all I want, You're all I need, You're everything...everything' ... 'There is no one else for me, none but Jesus...now I live to bring you praise...'
I think at some time or another, God will take us at our word. 'Really? Am I? Everything? ... Really? No one else? Live to bring Me praise?'
Not that He is being mean or arrogant. At all. It only hurts us when we put that much faith in anyone or anything but Him. Maybe He allows us to lose those things to show us what we truly have treasured?
But I loved the bottom line of it... if we can grasp that truth - God is our Treasure, not our Treasurer. He is what is most precious. Even if He's not in our actuality, He is in reality. He truly is what is most valuable. Not because He is prideful, but because He actually is.
We can get a lot of mileage out of that simple truth.
Showing posts with label Spiritual Epiphanies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spiritual Epiphanies. Show all posts
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Finally - The Foundation
Another epiphany for me. This time - in Sunday School for Missions Bridge.
It was the evangelism training day. We were learning 'The Hand' in presenting the gospel:
The thumb: Heaven is a free gift - can't earn it and don't deserve it.
The pointer: Man is a sinner, can't save himself.
(I'll only for that far for now due to the relevance to the story. It actually goes through all five fingers).
Our teacher that day was telling us how to decipher if a person was truly saved by how he answered the question, "If you died today, what would you say to God as to why He should let you into Heaven?"
I began to think of what I would say if someone asked me that question. Well, I "grew up Christian" and I know that at 13, when I was on the bus ride home from school, I made a decision that I was going to follow Jesus for the rest of my life. That was it for me.
But, then, I began to think - when I did I receive His gift of salvation? When did I realize that Heaven was a gift I didn't deserve and could not earn, and when did I actually RECEIVE that gift through my belief (faith) in it???? When did I TRUST in Jesus to be saved? And that's when the light started brightening...
I think I skipped that step somehow. I knew I needed salvation. I knew I was a sinner. I knew Jesus' death paid the penalty and bought eternal life. But when did I receive that and take that reality into my life? I don't think I did.
I knew the right way to act, the right way to be, the right decision to make. So I did THAT. And continued doing it. But, when did I receive His grace and live by and from THAT??? I decided to follow Jesus, but when did I let Him choose me, save me, and GIVE me that gift - and when did I actually receive it?
It's like the Galatians - they were saved by grace - or at least knew they were, but then they tried to live out that salvation in their own strength. Maybe I was like that too, but only worse, I think. I don't know if I ever received the grace gift at all; I just knew the right things to do following salvation and that is where I set my sights for the next twenty years.
So, here I am...over twenty years later, and finally - I have run out of steam. I have gone as far as my own strength can take me. And, I'm worn out TRYING to be a good Christian...trying to save myself. Because, in reality, that is exactly what I am doing.
As I was going through the codependency book this week, one of the statements said:
"We have difficulty turning our lives over to God because we lack the skills to trust in His grace."
Whoa. So that was it. The realization hit me: I don't trust His grace. I feel safer trusting my ability, even though it is hopelessly inadequate. So, if I don't trust His grace, all I have to trust is myself. And I can see what a scary and precarious scenario I create for myself. No wonder I feel so driven. No wonder I feel the pressure to be perfect. Because it is all I have. It is all I am trusting. My life has become "I have to" and "I should"...which eventually results in "I can't"...which results in guilt and shame...which is, well - welcome to my world.
And that is what I live with. In the back of my mind, there is always the feeling that "It's not enough. I can't do this." And always the pressure to keep trying. And the remedy to all this is so simple: just stop trying. The way out of codendency: surrender.
The statement was made: "Codependent Christians separate grace - the source of perspective and power - from the Bible's high moral and ethical expectations."
I had to think about that for a little while. I am obsessed w/ God's stardards and expectations - and somehow feel like I'm supposed to be able to meet them if I try hard enough. I don't see them through GRACE:
And all of this because being perfect gives me a sense of worth; I can't swallow the realization that I am imperfect but still loved.
I had to do a devo on the prodigal son for the teachers this week and I was struck by the two sons.
The first son realizes and is fully aware that he is NOT WORTHY to be called a son. He is more comfortable going to the servant status because He is looking at what he (the son) has done and not the character of His father.
The second son also looks at what he (himself, the son) has done and thinks he IS WORTHY: "I've always obeyed; I've always done right..."and not at the character of the Father as well.
One son thinks he doesn't deserve his Father's love, blessing and acceptance because of what he has done; the other son thinks he does deserve it because what he has done. The Father negates all of that by blessing them both, showing that it is neither. It is because of Who the Father is - all the evil or all the good isn't the deciding factor in the end in whether or not someone can receive God's goodness and grace. It is the character and heart of the Father, of His own free will.
The first son's evil didn't disqualify him from his Father's goodness; the second son's righteousness didn't ensure it. And that is how grace works. It is at the discretion of the giver, not won or lost. The only thing required of BOTH sons was to choose to RECEIVE that Father's goodness. Not their actions prior to His offering it, just their responses to His offer itself. Both could - and would - be blessed. But only if they received it.
In this scenario, I'm both. Usually I'm the second son first...I try and try to be good enough and present to God all my good works and what I've done. He says, "It's already yours. Stop trying." Then when I fail, I'm like the first son and realize my failure and see that I don't deserve anything at all and instantly relegate myself to servant status. And He basically ignores my protests and treats me like His daughter with all the goodness and blessing a gracious and giving Father can present. But, either way, if I receive it, I win.
God has already decided to freely give grace to those who are humble enough to:
1. acknowledge their need for it
2. actually accept it
"God gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6) and "He gives grace to the afflicted" (Prov 3:34). By trying to earn it, it is a form of pride and self-sufficiency, and scarily enough, that very act is what could disqualify me from getting it: "God is opposed to the proud." And thinking I'm not worthy enough to receive it is also pride, because I'm completely dependent on myself for God's favor.
So - the lesson this week that is like drinking a glass of cold ice water - that refreshing and that clean - is to accept God's grace and to actually live by it and in it.
Peter, one who lived out the reality of both sons, encourages us: "GROW in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." - 2 Peter 3:18
**The four cornerstones are built on the only solid foundation there is - God's grace.
It was the evangelism training day. We were learning 'The Hand' in presenting the gospel:
The thumb: Heaven is a free gift - can't earn it and don't deserve it.
The pointer: Man is a sinner, can't save himself.
(I'll only for that far for now due to the relevance to the story. It actually goes through all five fingers).
Our teacher that day was telling us how to decipher if a person was truly saved by how he answered the question, "If you died today, what would you say to God as to why He should let you into Heaven?"
I began to think of what I would say if someone asked me that question. Well, I "grew up Christian" and I know that at 13, when I was on the bus ride home from school, I made a decision that I was going to follow Jesus for the rest of my life. That was it for me.
But, then, I began to think - when I did I receive His gift of salvation? When did I realize that Heaven was a gift I didn't deserve and could not earn, and when did I actually RECEIVE that gift through my belief (faith) in it???? When did I TRUST in Jesus to be saved? And that's when the light started brightening...
I think I skipped that step somehow. I knew I needed salvation. I knew I was a sinner. I knew Jesus' death paid the penalty and bought eternal life. But when did I receive that and take that reality into my life? I don't think I did.
I knew the right way to act, the right way to be, the right decision to make. So I did THAT. And continued doing it. But, when did I receive His grace and live by and from THAT??? I decided to follow Jesus, but when did I let Him choose me, save me, and GIVE me that gift - and when did I actually receive it?
It's like the Galatians - they were saved by grace - or at least knew they were, but then they tried to live out that salvation in their own strength. Maybe I was like that too, but only worse, I think. I don't know if I ever received the grace gift at all; I just knew the right things to do following salvation and that is where I set my sights for the next twenty years.
So, here I am...over twenty years later, and finally - I have run out of steam. I have gone as far as my own strength can take me. And, I'm worn out TRYING to be a good Christian...trying to save myself. Because, in reality, that is exactly what I am doing.
As I was going through the codependency book this week, one of the statements said:
"We have difficulty turning our lives over to God because we lack the skills to trust in His grace."
Whoa. So that was it. The realization hit me: I don't trust His grace. I feel safer trusting my ability, even though it is hopelessly inadequate. So, if I don't trust His grace, all I have to trust is myself. And I can see what a scary and precarious scenario I create for myself. No wonder I feel so driven. No wonder I feel the pressure to be perfect. Because it is all I have. It is all I am trusting. My life has become "I have to" and "I should"...which eventually results in "I can't"...which results in guilt and shame...which is, well - welcome to my world.
And that is what I live with. In the back of my mind, there is always the feeling that "It's not enough. I can't do this." And always the pressure to keep trying. And the remedy to all this is so simple: just stop trying. The way out of codendency: surrender.
The statement was made: "Codependent Christians separate grace - the source of perspective and power - from the Bible's high moral and ethical expectations."
I had to think about that for a little while. I am obsessed w/ God's stardards and expectations - and somehow feel like I'm supposed to be able to meet them if I try hard enough. I don't see them through GRACE:
- God's perspective (You can't do this on your own)
- God's power (but I can help you do what you can't).
God understands all of that and is OK with it... but somehow, I'm not. I guess I just don't want to need grace.
What would happen if I didn't separate God's
So, all I have left is my "own guilt motivation and [my] own will" to achieve this. Which results in failure. Which results in more guilt and shame.And all of this because being perfect gives me a sense of worth; I can't swallow the realization that I am imperfect but still loved.
I had to do a devo on the prodigal son for the teachers this week and I was struck by the two sons.
The first son realizes and is fully aware that he is NOT WORTHY to be called a son. He is more comfortable going to the servant status because He is looking at what he (the son) has done and not the character of His father.
The second son also looks at what he (himself, the son) has done and thinks he IS WORTHY: "I've always obeyed; I've always done right..."and not at the character of the Father as well.
One son thinks he doesn't deserve his Father's love, blessing and acceptance because of what he has done; the other son thinks he does deserve it because what he has done. The Father negates all of that by blessing them both, showing that it is neither. It is because of Who the Father is - all the evil or all the good isn't the deciding factor in the end in whether or not someone can receive God's goodness and grace. It is the character and heart of the Father, of His own free will.
The first son's evil didn't disqualify him from his Father's goodness; the second son's righteousness didn't ensure it. And that is how grace works. It is at the discretion of the giver, not won or lost. The only thing required of BOTH sons was to choose to RECEIVE that Father's goodness. Not their actions prior to His offering it, just their responses to His offer itself. Both could - and would - be blessed. But only if they received it.
In this scenario, I'm both. Usually I'm the second son first...I try and try to be good enough and present to God all my good works and what I've done. He says, "It's already yours. Stop trying." Then when I fail, I'm like the first son and realize my failure and see that I don't deserve anything at all and instantly relegate myself to servant status. And He basically ignores my protests and treats me like His daughter with all the goodness and blessing a gracious and giving Father can present. But, either way, if I receive it, I win.
God has already decided to freely give grace to those who are humble enough to:
1. acknowledge their need for it
2. actually accept it
"God gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6) and "He gives grace to the afflicted" (Prov 3:34). By trying to earn it, it is a form of pride and self-sufficiency, and scarily enough, that very act is what could disqualify me from getting it: "God is opposed to the proud." And thinking I'm not worthy enough to receive it is also pride, because I'm completely dependent on myself for God's favor.
So - the lesson this week that is like drinking a glass of cold ice water - that refreshing and that clean - is to accept God's grace and to actually live by it and in it.
Peter, one who lived out the reality of both sons, encourages us: "GROW in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." - 2 Peter 3:18
**The four cornerstones are built on the only solid foundation there is - God's grace.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Relationships Are Not Linear
That is sort of a new epiphany for me. And maybe why I struggle so much with them. I expect them to follow this neat, clear path - and while I think there is some kind of logical progression that happens in them, I realize that they aren't predictable. And, I guess that is because the people in them are not - they are unique, different, autonomous in their own right.
And this ties into God because I don't think I've ever understood, really, the whole religion vs relationship. Again, intellectually - yes; experientially and emotionall - not so much.
In Nicaragua, I was really getting a sense of the whole relationship with God. That we can talk and share - and it is not so pressure-filled as I usually think. There is some flexibility - because it is not linear. It doesn't have a set path to follow; it just morphs and changes and evolves to just be what it is becoming.
But one distinction that just sort of hit me this morning as I was doing my workbook is that their are characteristics of functional relationships. It came up in the context of family, but I see that they are characteristics of all functional relationships. That helps, because I can sort of test the health of any relationship - and know how to try to get it back on track.
It's like this:
And this ties into God because I don't think I've ever understood, really, the whole religion vs relationship. Again, intellectually - yes; experientially and emotionall - not so much.
In Nicaragua, I was really getting a sense of the whole relationship with God. That we can talk and share - and it is not so pressure-filled as I usually think. There is some flexibility - because it is not linear. It doesn't have a set path to follow; it just morphs and changes and evolves to just be what it is becoming.
But one distinction that just sort of hit me this morning as I was doing my workbook is that their are characteristics of functional relationships. It came up in the context of family, but I see that they are characteristics of all functional relationships. That helps, because I can sort of test the health of any relationship - and know how to try to get it back on track.
It's like this:
- It's OK to feel (respect for someone as a person with a right to his/her own emotions)
- It's OK to trust (consistency and dependability make this possible)
- It's OK to talk (time taken to listen and value what they say)
- You are special (worth is based on who they are)
- You are loved even if you make a mistake. (worth is not based on performance)
So, that was helpful to me - because God is the ultimate functional Father. And while the traits mentioned are the cornerstone of my faith, I feel like this gives a little definition of what a relationship on those cornerstones should look like.
If this is true (and it is), then He:- loves me - I am special in His sight.
- loves me no matter how great my mistakes
- desires me to trust Him (because He is consistent and dependable)
- desires me to share my feelings (validates my right to feel what I feel)
- takes time to talk to me and listen to me (not just tell me what I'm doing wrong and what I need to do - cares about me as a person)
Revelation 3:20 - "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. "
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