This is line from a Caedmon's Call song. (http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=56753) (I just have to say - I love their music and their lyrics. Still a favorite of mine. It always hits me in levels, in an 'after-the-fact' kind of way. All the sudden, a lyric from a song I haven't heard in years will pop into my head that relates to my life at that moment and I think, 'Oh - so that's what they meant!')
Anyway, I have been reflecting on that lyric for a while. I'm finding that it is different. And harder. And maybe if I'd known it was going to be this hard, I might not have chosen to be in love. (Like you can choose that. lol).
Now, this is where it gets sticky. Love is like we think when it feels like we think it should. But, it's scary when it gets to the point where love becomes the 'choice to love' - the whole 'Love is a decision' thing. Because we can choose not to. And if you choose not to, was it even love?
It almost necessitates that if it really is love, then it will choose to love. Because love can do no other thing - that's what love does. Because if you choose not to demonstrate love, then there is a strong probability that what you felt was not love.
(I know there are some extreme cases of abuse and it's not personally healthy, I get that. But in most normal - but challenging - situations, that's the scenario I'm talking about.)
So, it begs the question: Do I really love?
I've gotten a few email devotionals about the nature of love lately and that is striking a chord with me. A painful, dissonant one, as a matter of fact. As God's been challenging me with that lately, a pretty strident squeal has squeaked out of my heart. I admit - as I read the definition, my gut reaction was "C'mon...You're not serious... Oh no [when I realize He is serious]. This is what you are asking me to do???"
Just the first two attributes of love from 1 Corinthians 13 - "Love is patient, love is kind" - I'm already having trouble with. My version would go something like:
"Love is patient...to a point.
Love is kind...when you appreciate my kindness and are kind back."
Which, really, are the exact things that patience and kindness are not.
As far as my 'poem' goes, that's a pretty sad line to have been written. No - that I'm writing. I guess at any moment, I can choose to write it differently. Because the love of God has been poured into my heart by the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5), then, yes, I can make that choice.
"Love is patient, love is kind..." "Hmmmmm...sometimes. I want it to be...I think."
(Remember, this is my poem! lol... raw as it is. But I'm counting on the fact that the Author will have some revisions coming...)